Step 2 - Disappear For a While... Completely
One of the toughest things to do after a breakup is to stop all contact with your ex. You've spoken to or seen each other every day for the last several months, maybe even years. It might seem unnatural to drop off contact completely - especially if he was a friend before you became lovers. You might also have gotten the dreaded "let's be friends" speech, which we'll get to a little later.
Disappearing from your boyfriend's radar may be physically hard also, especially if you travel in the same social circles. You might see him at school, or at work, with friends, or even in the neighborhood. In cases like this where incidental contact is inevitable, you'll need to limit that contact to a simple 'hi' and 'bye' - especially in the beginning. This might be easier than you think, because if your boyfriend dumped you he's going to feel awkward seeing you anyway.
Can't I Call Just To See How He's Doing?
Calling your ex just after a breakup is one of the worst things you can do. Even if you've accepted the situation, there's still a part of you that wants him back. That part is screaming for contact - you want to know what he's doing, who he's with, how long he's with them, and when he's going to be home. These are things you took for granted all through the relationship as the two of you shared your daily events with each other.
Now however, you must put yourself in a totally different frame of mind. You need to realize you're not entitled to that information anymore. As hard as it is to swallow, your ex-boyfriend's daily schedule is now his business, and his business alone.
That's only part of the reason why you can't call him. The other reason is more important: how he views you. Some of the most important moments in your breakup occur in the hours and days after he tells you it's over. No matter how long you've been dating, your ex-boyfriend is going to expect you to call. Ego is a big part of any man's psyche - whether he tried to let you down easy or whether hurtful words were exchanged between the both of you, your ex is going to expect - and even want - you to call him. But not for the reasons you think.
Either way it sucks. We broke up already... I don't want to fight anymore. And the last thing I want is to feel guilty about the great times we had - especially if I'd like to keep remembering them in a happy way. The post-breakup call is always bad news.
But I Have a Legitimate Reason For Needing to Call Him!
No, you don't. Really. Getting your hands on those CD's isn't worth damaging any chance you have at getting back together with your ex. While some quick contact may seem innocent, it's not. You've only convinced yourself that it is. You don't need 'closure' or 'answers' or any of that stuff. And if you eventually want to win him back, those things are meaningless anyway. Really try to understand this.
What About Email? Text-Messaging? IM-ing Him?
Hell no. These things are even worse than making a phone call. Without any kind of vocal inflection behind these messages, anything and everything you say will be misconstrued. Remember: your ex is expecting all this stuff. He's going to take any contact you make with him as a sign of weakness. You could send the most innocent message, it doesn't matter. To him, you want to get back together. He's sitting there with his friends, telling them 'Oh boy', you just texted him again. Sometimes girls just don't know when to take a hint, right? Right.
Don't be that girl. By dropping off your ex boyfriend's radar, you're placing your foot on the first stepping stone of the path that leads you back together. Envision it in your mind. The clearer you can see it, the stronger you'll be. Close your eyes and picture your boyfriend checking his phone, looking for a message or a missed call... and finding nothing. Feels good, right? Go with it. Doing nothing is the single most important thing you can do right now (bet you never thought you'd hear that sentence!)
See that? This is what goes through a guy's head after he breaks up with you and doesn't get any sort of contact. He refuses to believe you're not calling him without a good reason. His ego won't let him. His ego needs you to call, because the very act of you calling him justifies that you need him more than he needs you. This is exactly what he wants! Because the worst-case scenario for him is just the opposite: that maybe you didn't really need him at all. Maybe you're going on just fine without him. No matter what type of guy you were dating, that's pretty scary to him.
This scenario, if you can pull it off, sends the first small tremors of doubt through your ex's decision process. Suddenly he's re-thinking the breakup. Is he ready to run back into your arms? Probably not by a long shot. But he is questioning why you seem to be fine without him. And he's definitely a little weirded out that you haven't called. And if he'd planned on using a safety net for your breakup... in his mind, a few of the ropes just snapped.
Ways to Avoid Contact - Ex Boyfriend Replacement Therapy
There are lots of great ways to avoid contact with your ex, but the best ones include not being alone. Going out and doing the things you love will keep your mind busy with other things, and seeing old friends is an even better distraction. When spending time with people, try to avoid talking about the break up. While you might feel good opening up to someone about it, you're leaving yourself open to heartache later on, at night, when you're alone again.
The Magic of Making up has some fantastic tips and really cool tricks to help get you past those first few days after breaking up. You'll learn how to actually drive your ex crazy with wanting to know what you've been up to! This is your goal right now, and the more you succeed at it the easier it will be to get your ex-boyfriend back later on. Be sure to check out this resource no matter what you do.
And now, onto Step 3: Taking Away His Safety Net