Step 4 - Having a Great Time Without Your Ex
After a breakup it helps to keep yourself busy with friends, family, hobbies and such. Pre-occupying yourself with other things helps keep your mind off your ex and also helps you resist the temptation to call or contact him. That's all good, but perhaps the greatest thing you can do to help your situation is even more simple: have a great time without him.
No matter where you go or what you do, make sure you surround yourself with fun things and great times. Getting together with a girlfriend is great, but gathering large groups of friends and going out is an even better idea. The group dynamic generates a lot more fun, and the chances of going out somewhere interesting are a lot greater. It's also harder to talk about your ex in a group than it would be, say, if you and a girlfriend just stayed in and rented a movie.
Going out and having fun with friends is one of the best ways to let your ex-boyfriend know that your life is going on without him. Time didn't stop because he broke up with you. Suddenly he sees you smiling and laughing with other people, and no matter how or why your relationship ended he's going to feel that all-important emotion: jealousy. This is going to be one of the big things that'll be instrumental in getting him back.
Seeing you smile and laugh will reflect images of your own relationship in his mind. Instantly he'll start thinking about the times the two of you had together. He always liked to think he was responsible for that fun. But now you're out laughing and having fun without him, which in turn makes him question your need for him. This is a big kick to male ego, no matter what the circumstances that ended your relationship might be.
Then there are girls who sit around waiting for you call, waiting for you to decide what you'll be doing that weekend. They become dependent on you to have a good time. It sucks, because eventually you feel guilty going out with your own friends and leaving your girl home alone. It's like you're responsible for her being entertained all the time. Seeing a girl like that, it just becomes too much work.
Should I Include Other Guys When I Go Out, To Make Him More Jealous?
Now you're thinking too much. One of the big things I advocate in this guide is the elimination of all the game-playing that often goes on during a relationship. If you want a serious, long-term relationship when you get back an ex-boyfriend, you'll need to learn to stop playing these little high-school games. Guys hate games. We're not half as complex as you make us out to be. When we say something we generally mean what we say, and it's not very often that we mask our feelings behind saying something else. Keep this in mind, because the less psychological and sociological games you play while dating your man, the stronger, closer, and more open the two of you will become. Game-playing is always a really big turn-off.
In short, include anyone you want when going out to have fun. Guys or girls, it doesn't matter. The best revenge is living well - if these are your friends, go out and have the best time possible with all of them. Steering clear of 'guys' in general because you don't want to make your ex-boyfriend jealous is silly.
However, cuddling up and flirting with someone else in hopes word of it will get back to your ex is equally silly. While it may seem like an innocent tactic in the war to win him back, what you're really doing is damaging his opinion of you. He's going to feel jealousy, sure, but not the type of jealously you'll want him to be feeling. Your ex will consider this a rebound move designed to hurt him (which it effectively is), and resentment will follow.
If he resents you enough he could even write you off, or even worse, decide to pursue someone else out of spite. No guy is going to come back to you simply because you're out 'seeing' other guys... and if he does, well, then you've strong-armed him back into a relationship he really didn't want in the first place. Remember that your biggest, most important goal here is that you need to make him want you back. That's the key. Scaring your ex into wanting you back is a very poor tactic, and one that's sure to backfire. It'll only lead to another breakup not too far down the line.
Men Are Simple. . . But We Do Have Buttons That Can Be Pushed
As I've said before, men are pretty uncomplicated in general. But at the same time, we don't often know what we want until we see or feel it. There are some neat little tricks you can use to push on your ex-boyfriend's emotional "hot buttons" that will help in winning him back. Find out what they are, because you're going to need to use them later on.
So How Will He Know When I'm Out Having Fun?
He'll know. No matter what type of guy he is, an ex-boyfriend will always examine the immediate actions of the girl he just dumped. If you could ask him why, he'd tell you it's because he wants to 'make sure you're alright' (this is what he'll tell his friends too, when he casually asks if any of them know what you've been up to). But what he's really looking for is to see you at home, sullen and miserable. Crazy, right?
No, your ex isn't some sick bastard who wants to see you cry. It's his ego needing to see that any girl would be crazy not to be sad without him. His ego wants to build him up, keep him strong, let him know he made the right call. But when his ego realizes you're not home sulking - that you're out, about, and having a great time without him - that's when those good jealous feelings will begin creeping around in the pit of his stomach.
If I Run Into My Ex While I'm Out... What Do I Say To Him?
Say hello! It's really that simple. Smile, nod, and be polite. Hopefully your friends will usher you off to whatever you're doing next, so there should be no long or awkward conversations. He'll probably ask how you're doing, what you've been up to, etc. Try not to feel uncomfortable, but if you do, it helps to remember he's probably feeling just as awkward. Keep the conversation short and casual, and then go on with the rest of your night. Don't lose your smile or your sense of happiness - you want him to think you're having a great time without him (which you are!)
If you can accomplish having fun without your ex, you're well on the way to getting him back. Nothing throws a guy for more of a loop than seeing his ex-girlfriend out laughing, playing, and having a great time without him.
Who is this girl? Why is she so happy without me?
As he awkwardly tries to act cool and collected, these are the thoughts floating through his head. He'll even begin questioning the breakup, which is precisely what you want him to do. He'll start wondering if he let a good thing go. He'll also start realizing that a girl as cute, fun, and happy as you isn't going to stay single for very long. This cuts away the last remnants of his breakup safety net. And then you have him exactly where you want him for...
Step 5: Re-establishing a Connection
(Required supplimental reading: Be sure to download The Magic of Making Up!)