Winning Your Ex Back After You've Cheated on Him
Learning how to get back an ex boyfriend is one thing. Figuring out how to get your ex back after you cheated, is quite another. While you'll be employing many of the same strategies you'd use to win back a boyfriend after breaking up, the fact that you cheated will require special care. It's crucial that you take these additional steps seriously, and take your boyfriend's feelings deeply into account. If not, he'll immediately sense you being disingenuine.
You've Cheated On Him... But Don't Want To Lose Him
After you've cheated on your boyfriend, he's going to feel incredibly betrayed. He's going to see you in an entirely different light, and he's going to feel differently also. Expect this, and don't fight him on it. Understand that you're not going to be treated the same as you were before. If he broke up with you, you'll need to accept his decision. You'll also need to follow the standard first few steps of getting back an ex boyfriend, which requires you to be accepting of your break up and to drop out of sight for a while.
Try to ignore your gut instincts, which will be to run to him and beg forgiveness. Even if you're truly sorry, putting yourself in such a position is never the answer. Your ex doesn't want to hear your apology now anyway, so it's going to fall on deaf ears. Wait it out, and save it for later. For now, you'll need to concentrate on making him miss you. Yes, even though you cheated on him.
Be In It For The Long Haul
Also understand that it's going to take a long time to get back with your ex after you've cheated on him. This isn't the same as a simple break up; the relationship didn't end because you couldn't see eye to eye, it ended because you were unfaithful. That kind of betrayal leaves a lasting mark, and while it might never completely go away, it'll certainly fade with time. You'll need to give it that time, if you want any hope of winning back your man.
While you're waiting, you'll need to stay away. Keeping your distance is the only thing to do right now. No matter what your ex-boyfriend says or does, you'll need to ignore it. If he calls or leaves you a message, let him talk to your machine. If he emails or text-messages you, don't answer. You're not trying to be mean here - you're trying to prevent further damage by allowing him to use you as a punching bag. As bad as you behaved, you don't deserve that. It's counterproductive to getting back together anyway, so it's best to let him cool off.
One of the best things you can do while waiting out this period is to prepare yourself for what to do next. When you and your ex being talking again, it's critical to know how to handle it. Read up on the best methods for repairing your relationship, including the fastest tips and techniques for making up.
Accept Whatever Punishment He Gives You
Whether he's broken up with you or he's just not talking to you, your ex is going to try and punish you in some way for cheating on him. This could include anything from giving you the silent treatment all the way up to him sleeping with someone else just to get back at you. While you might think to step in and prevent something like that, you really can't. That type of revenge-fueled behavior is completely childish, and if that's the type of guy he is you really don't want him. Besides, you couldn't stop him if you wanted to.
Your ex-boyfriend may go out, see old friends, flirt with other girls, and do other things to make you jealous. He might ignore you completely, and that's okay. Suck it up and understand why he's doing these things. Try to put yourself in his shoes, and really understand what he's going through. On some level, your ex will need to make you suffer. Even if you're not suffering, you'll have to let him believe you are. And if you are? Show him. Let him know he's putting you through some really rough times too. This will satisify him in some ways, and although he won't entirely forgive you it's at least a step toward leveling the playing field.
Talk To Your Ex Only When He's Ready
After a period of being angry and bitter at you, your ex is actually going to start to miss you. This is will make him angry at himself, because there are part of him that still haven't reconciled the whole affair yet. Eventually though, he'll start to talk to you... and when he does, one of the foremost things you'll need to do is listen.
Carefully consider your ex-boyfriend's words, and make sure he gets his say. You cannot argue with him here. Accept full responsibility for cheating on him - don't try to pin it on anything he might've said or did. Even if you felt lost in the relationship, bored, disconnected... you're still completely in the wrong for having slept with someone else.
Let him know you understand that, and that you're sorry for it. Making even the smallest excuse will make your ex angry - it implies that you're looking to defer some of the blame. If you end up dating again, he'll remember your excuse and always wonder if you're going to use it again as another loophole to cheat. Avoid this by apologizing fully and unconditionally.
Be On Your Best Behavior - And Stay There
As he verbally and emotionally tries to punish you for cheating on him, your ex will be watching to see what you do. He's going to be looking to see that you're behaving yourself. In a small way, this shows him a level of how sorry you really are. If you want to get him back, you'll need to play along with his expectations. Be humble, and stay low key. You can't do anything that might make him think you're going out and having fun with other guys, or he might just write you off. You also can't use any tactics to make him jealous in order to make him come back to you. These things are completely out, once you've cheated.
Spare Him The Gory Details
After you've cheated on your boyfriend, you may run into a sexual interregation of sorts. Men are very visual, and your ex is going to play the scene of your affair over and over in his mind. He won't want to do this, but he will. And the less information he has to paint this scene of infidelity... the better.
All throughout this guide I've pushed truth and honesty, but here's where you'll need to lie your ass off. When you ex asks specific questions about your cheating on him, be as vague as possible. He might ask for places you cheated, dates, times, even positions... and although he's asking for details what he's really doing is trying to downplay your involvement with this other guy. No matter what happened or how often it happened, you need to diminish the whole affair in his mind. Tell him it was quick. Tell him the sex was lame. Tell him it sucked so much you don't even remember most of it. If it happened anywhere local, tell him it was out of town. If it happened in your own bed, tell him it was in someone else's. The further away you can place the cheating, the easier it will be for him to reduce it in his mind. Being honest here will only hurt him, so make up whatever you need to in order to protect his feelings.
After Your Apology, Be Overly Affectionate
It's important to know when to be affectionate with your ex again. He's probably been pushing you away for a long time now, but eventually he's going to be craving your touch again. As much as he's angry at you for what happened, he still needs the physical closeness you once shared. Look for a moment when his guard is down and try to hold him. Make romantic gestures like leaving him a card or a nice message on his answering machine that says you're thinking of him. Make his favorite lunch and surprise him with it. Don't go overboard here, but small token gestures let him know you still feel love for him. He wants to know you're thinking about him, not someone else. Getting your ex boyfriend back after you've cheated on him is a long, fragile process - if you don't have the persistance to ride out his wave of hot and cold emotions, you'll never be able to win him back.
Getting Him Back After Cheating - The New Relationship
After one partner cheats on another, their relationship will never be the same. Trust has been broken, and although trust it something that can be built back up it's almost impossible to bring it back to the level it once was. If your exboyfriend chooses to begin a new relationship with you, allow it to be just that - a brand new start. Wiping the slate clean and starting with a strong new foundation is the only healthy way to begin dating your ex again.
No matter what your reasons for cheating on your exboyfriend, these will need to be resolved in order to move forward. Talk to him gently about it, without placing blame. You've already accepted responsibility for your cheating, so don't let him beat you up on it again. But do address any issues you might have had. Convince him in no uncertain terms that you'll never cheat on him again, and that you'll have enough respect to tell him the relationship isn't working out first. Then let him know what bothered you about your old romance, and ask him to do the same. Listen to each other, and give each other time to speak. If one or both of you feels like these old problems aren't getting resolved, you'll resent it. You can't sweep things under the rug here.
Once that's done however, leave these issues in the past. Promise each other you're going to move forward without looking back. A boyfriend who's going to bring up your past cheating over and over again, whenever the two of you have an argument, isn't over what happened. He isn't ready to move on yet. Your future relationship will always be marred by the scars of the past, and this isn't good. If he's going to dig at those old wounds whenever he feels the need to 'get you' on something, chances are the two of you aren't going to work out.
Building trust takes time, and you shouldn't expect it to happen overnight. But this also requires something else: forgivness. Once you've gotten back together with your ex, to stay together you'll need him to forgive you. Take things one day at a time, and understand if he's a little scared at times. But make sure he eventually forgives you. If not, your break up will never be fully repaired.
The Step by Step Plan to Getting Your Ex Back After Cheating
Getting back together after you've cheated is one of the most complicated relationship issues around. If you don't arm yourself with all the knowledge you can, your plan to win back your boyfriend will inevitably fail. The following two guides deal specifically with the subject of cheating. Make sure you read them, because they contain some very important techniques for getting him to love you again, as well as re-establishing trust.
The Magic of Making Up by T.W. Jackson
Cheating, infidelity, long-term break up... the situation doesn't mattter!
This wildly popular guide will teach you immediate step by step
techniques to getting back with your ex.
Get Back Your Ex by Brian Caniglia
Detailing the 7 most common mistakes made when trying to win back an ex-lover or spouse, this incredible resource has already helped thousands of couples reunite with each other. Find out which techniques you can use to quickly make your ex want you again.