Getting Your Ex Back After a Long Term Break Up
If you've been broken up for a longer period of time and would like to start dating your ex boyfriend again, getting back together is actually a lot easier than if you'd just stopped seeing each other. They say time heals all wounds, and this is true to a certain extent. When it comes to a relationship, the passing of time seems to polish the great memories while dulling the bad ones. Your mind tends to forget the fighting and aggravation the two of you had, and concentrates more on remembering the good times.
Time Is On Your Side
This is good news to anyone trying to put an old relationship back together. The two of you have had a significant cooling off period, and the bad things you might've said or done are now long in the past. One or both of you may have dated other people, giving you time to reconsider and maybe even appreciate the relationship you had with your ex. You've also probably missed him... and he you, on certain levels. Depending on the love you had for each other, and the length of time you actually dated, getting back together with your ex could be simple or complicated.
The one thing you'll both need to be careful of when getting back together is moving too fast. Very often, couples who have already dated tend to fall quickly back into the same patterns and routines they did back when they were together. Although it feels comfortable, this isn't necessarily good. Whatever these patterns were, they resulted in your break up.
Contacting Your Ex - How To Make The First Move
Depending upon how you broke up, and who initiated the end of the relationship, first contact with your ex can be a little tricky. If you were the one who ended things, your ex may feel resentment toward you. Hopefully you did things maturely and with as little ill will as possible. Knowing how your ex felt after the break up is a big part of knowing how he feels now. Time may have dulled his pain, but he could've convinced himself by this point that he's better off without you.
If it was you who got dumped, contacting him should be easier. Enough time has passed by now that he's not going to question your motives, and you can reach out to make a friendly phone call without arising any suspicion. Emailing or texting him isn't recommended here; in fact, if you can arrange to run into him it's probably even better. Face to face (or voice) contact with your ex is what you're looking for. You need to impart feelings of familiarity again, and this is hard to do electronically.
Set Up A Casual Meeting With Your Ex
After some initial pleasantries, you and your ex will start the small talk. Each of you will feel the other out for what they've been doing these past months or years. You'll want to know who he was seeing, how long he dated her, and when it ended. He'll want the same information. Be open and honest about everything, but make sure you belittle your past relationships by steering the conversation back to him. You don't want to talk too much about that other stuff: you want to bring things back to you, him, and the present day.
It should be easy to set up a "hey let's catch up with each other" meeting with your exboyfriend. Something simple should do it, like lunch or coffee. No ex-boyfriend would turn down such a meeting, unless he's already happily involved with another girl, or if he's actually kind of scared of you. In either case, you probably wouldn't be getting back together with your ex anyway. Setting up this meeting should be a no-brainer.
During the time you have together, you'll need to keep things light. But at the same time, you'll also need to let him know you're interested. You can do this in several ways, but the more signals you put off the better. Use your body language to get close to him. Be flirtatious, and complimentary. Laugh at his jokes, and smile a lot. When he talks to you, make eye contact. Any guy knows these as signs a girl is coming on to him - and you are. You're looking to win back your boyfriend and date him again, so you've got to let him know this.
Use The Past History You Have Together To Your Advantage
Nothing feels as good as remembering great times. No matter how bad your relationship might've gone in the end, each of you has fond memories of things you did together.
Talk about these times, and make sure he knows you loved every minute of them. Let him bring up his own memories, and expound upon them too. Getting him into a mindset where he remembers being happy with you is a good step toward making your ex-boyfriend want you again. Your past is one of your biggest advantages you have over any other girl who might want to date him... be sure you use it.
While you're talking about all these great things, try to feel your ex out on where he stands. Chances are things have changed since the two of you dated, and hopefully for the better. When the topic of your break up comes up, try to downplay it as the both of you being silly. You'll want to convey a message that you see things a lot differently now, and that your viewpoint is more mature. You should also let him know that you're sorry your relationship ended the way it did. See what his response is to that. If he feels the same way, it's a great sign that maybe he's ready to give it another chance.
Briefly Address Any Unfinished Business
In getting back together with your ex, you'll both need to let a lot of sleeping dogs lie. Whatever caused your break up, hopefully it was something as stupid or insignficant as constant fighting. That kind of stuff can be left in the past. There's no need for either of you to apologize, or to try and figure out who's to blame for the end of your relationship. That kind of conversation can only be counterproductive to giving yourselves a second shot.
On the other hand, if there was infidelity or cheating involved, each of you will need to reconcile it. You can't move forward and build a new relationship if one of you is resenting the other for what happened in the past. If it was you who cheated, you'll need to apologize. Don't dwell on why it happened, but concentrate more on how much you've changed these past months and how you see things totally differently. You should mention how you're a different person in a different place in your life, and how you're looking forward to approaching the future with a lot less immaturity than you did before. If he was the one who cheated, you'll need to forgive him. If you can't, you shouldn't be trying to get back together in the first place. And if he does want you back, he'll most likely apologize for what happened.
Sex With Your Ex - Renewing Your Physical Relationship
One of the things you should have the least amount of trouble with will be rekindling the physical side of your old relationship. Sex with your ex-boyfriend should come easily and naturally, and once the two of you fall back into bed together you should feel a lot of the old fireworks.
The familiarity of sleeping with your ex is a very comfortable thing, and the sex will be made even better by the fact that you've missed each other for so long. Enjoy it, as it's a big part of any couple getting back together.
The one thing you might want to avoid however, is sleeping with your ex too soon. If the two of you jump into the sack an hour or two after first talking again, you may be headed for something other than a long-term relationship. This isn't to say there's anything wrong with the both of you physically wanting each other again, but you should be prepared in case your exboyfriend wasn't doing much more than looking a gift horse in the mouth. Dating your ex again can be fun, and you can build up some big anticipation if you don't cash your chips too early. Keep this in mind as the flirting starts going hardcore.
In the end, you'll want to be sending out signals to your ex-boyfriend that you'd like to date him again. These signals will include mental, emotional, and physical cues. Hopefully he'll reciprocate with cues of his own, but if he's hesitant there's no need to rush things. You probably won't get back together on the first meeting with your ex, or even the second. But see him enough times, and eventually your meetings will turn into dates. Your lunches will be dinners, and eventually, there will be a breakfast.
Other Resources Geared Toward Getting Your Boyfriend Back
Getting back together after a long term break up isn't always this simple, but when handled correctly you can make it flow as smooth as possible. The resources below are some of the best step-by-step guides on the internet for repairing a relationship. They're instantly downloadable, and you can be reading and absorbing the techniques within in just minutes.
The Magic of Making Up by T.W. Jackson
The internet's most popular guide to getting back with your ex!
Join thousands of couples who have already repaired their break up.
Women Men Adore - Get inside knowledge as to what every man is looking for in a woman. Understand how to influence a man's most deeply-embedded emotions, and how you can use such knowledge to make him want you back quickly.
Bob Grant is also the author of the following popular guide:
How To Get Your Man Back! by Bob Grant
Written by a licensed relationship counselor to meet the needs of women who were broken up with, this guide reveals the secrets to winning your man back, regardless of your situation.