Step 6 - The Reunion Date: Working Toward Getting Back Together
If you've reached this point, great job! You're well on your way toward winning back your boyfriend. Meeting back up for a date, no matter how big or small it may be, is a major stepping stone in your quest to rekindle your relationship. And just as with all the other steps, you need to know how to handle it correctly.
This type of reunion is essentially your 'second' first date, and in general it should be treated a lot like any first date would. Hopefully your ex picks somewhere light and casual. If he asks your input, you should suggest something along those lines. Coffee, a meal, maybe even a movie afterward - something in a neutral place where the two of you can kick back and catch up on the things you've missed in each other's lives during the period of your breakup. If possible, pick someplace new. You want to keep this meeting free from the heaviness of your past relationship, because (for now) you want to avoid talking about your breakup.
Steer Clear of Anything Serious
One of the things you both miss most is just being around each other. If you'd dated a while, you took lots of little daily things for granted. These feelings will surface when you meet back up, and both of you should fall back into some happy conversation fairly quickly. Enjoy it. Keep your conversation light and fun, and try to stay away from the circumstances surrounding your break up. If you missed him, tell him. Also tell him why. Try to concentrate on the things that made you a great couple, and then expound upon those things. More likely than not, he'll be reciprocating the same types of feelings for you. Coming back together after a break up is almost like coming out of a long and hard punishment: the both of you should feel happy and relieved to be together again. The comfort level should be high, and you should be talking casually about anything and everything... except for the things that happened between you to mess things up.
Girls are different from guys in that respect: girls never forget. And they won't ever let you forget either. That always leads to more fighting. In most cases it's just not worth it.
Figuring Out Which Type of Date You're On
Once you're finally sitting down with your ex-boyfriend, you'll need to understand exactly what kind of date you've been asked on. He's asked you here for a reason, and it's probably not to share a few drinks or a meal with him. To determine his intentions, you've got to read him correctly. Do a lot of listening. Don't interrupt him often, and let him finish his thoughts or sentences. He probably has some stuff to say, but needs to work up to it.
The Unnaturally Friendly Date
In getting back together, some guys are a little slow to pick things up exactly where the two of you left off. They might be standoffish, distant, and maybe a little reserved. Their actions will be the same way - your date will seem more like hanging out with a friend than a boyfriend. This is the friendly date.
Don't be too upset if your meeting turns out like this. The friendly date is usually the precursor to a much more serious get together. Stay cool and amiable here, but also maintain a little distance of your own. It's very possible your ex is prodding you to see whether you still have feelings for him, and will reciprocate only once he sees those emotions are still there. You can express that you miss him, but don't put all your cards on the table if he's only showing you one or two of his. Eventually, if he really misses you as much as you miss him, he's going to open up to you. For some guys, this process is a little more gradual than others.
The Potential Hookup
Face it, guys are very sexual and primal beings. Once you've been intimate with a man, he'll always see you as a potential lover. Distance won't matter. Time won't matter. You'll eternally be viewed as someone he's slept with, and therefore - if the circumstances were right - he could sleep with again.
Don't be blind to this possibility. Your ex may be lonely, and has asked you out in order to test out the sexual chemistry (and boundries) between the two of you. In short, maybe he wants to hook up. This may or may not have anything to do with getting back together, but you need to understand the difference.
Emotional connections are felt on higher levels than physical ones. After being apart for so long, it's only natural for him to physically want to be with you again. It's just as natural for you to want the same sexual feelings for him as well. This type of chemistry is good, but it shouldn't take the place of him missing you as a girlfriend, a person, or even a friend. If the only reason he's there is to get his rocks off, he's not yet ready to renew a serious relationship with you.
The Emotional Reunion Date
This is the absolute best case scenario, and hopefully the way your first meeting will go. If your ex is fawning over you and trying to reconnect on an emotional level, reward him by opening up some of your own feelings for him. Let him know you've been thinking of him, but keep your guard up. Don't let the conversation take a turn toward anything too serious. For this first meeting, you should both just be enjoying each other's company again.
If your ex makes any attempts to apologize, gently place your fingers over his lips to shush him. As much as you've been waiting to hear these words, skip out on any serious talks for now. You'll have plenty of time later on to reconcile things, and if you're smart you'll also let more than a few things go. This will strengthen any new relationship you build with your boyfriend. Remember, you can't build on broken framework - you need to tear everything down and rebuild from the foundation up. It's the only good receipe for a solid relationship.
Pay attention to your ex-boyfriend throughout your meeting. Turn your phone off, so you can concentrate fully on him. If he's trying to tell you something, let him. But if not, just enjoy hanging out again. Winning back an ex requires patience, so don't push too hard. Odds are good the date will end very innocently, the way most first dates end. Let it happen that way. Leaving on a good note will ensure another meeting, and most likely another few after that. As you once again get comfortable with each other, you can begin trying to reconcile a new relationship.
To Sleep With Him, Or Not To Sleep With Him?
Oddly enough, I won't advocate celibacy here. Depending upon how well your reunion goes, you and your boyfriend may or may not fall back into each other's arms. From there it's just a short skip and a hop to the bedroom, where the two of you already have an extensive history. Sleeping with with your ex after such an emotional first meeting isn't uncommon, and can include some very rock-star quality sex.
The best part is that you already know each other, but at the same time it's brand new. Sexually, you're getting the best of both worlds. Make up sex can be hot, down, dirty and fun... but it can also remind you of the past closeness you felt together too. Sometimes it takes getting back physically with someone to realize there was a very big emotional connection there as well.
Again, the ball's in your court on this one. It's hard to know what you'll do until placed into the situation, and every situation is always going to be different. Try to keep a level head, and think about how you're going to feel the next day. Sleeping with your ex might be something you're not ready for yet. But then again, it might also help the two of you rekindle the physical attraction that goes along with the emotional closeness of a long-term relationship.
Recognizing the Signs That Your Ex Is Ready to Reconcile
Throughout the entire time you spend together, one thing you should be doing is looking for signs that your ex boyfriend is prepared to begin the reconciliation process. His mannerisms, his words, the very way he speaks to you: all of these things can give off clues that you still hold a very special place in his heart. Look for and learn the telltale signs that your ex is ready to move forward and repair your relationship.
No matter what he says or does, there are little things he'll do that are simply beyond his control. Knowing about them is important, because it can give you a distinct advantage when you move on to the next phase of rebuilding your future.
Time to move on to Step 7: Building A New Foundation