Step 7 - Rebuilding a New Relationship From The Ground Up

Unless your reunion date was a total disaster, it probably ended on a high note. You had a great time together, and you both tasted some of the original magic and sweetness that your relationship once had. Although nothing was officially resolved, you're probably eager to see each other again.

There's a good chance you're at the beginning of a new relationship with your ex. There still may be some lingering friend-type interaction, but if you played your cards right there should be some real romantic potential. This budding new romance is very fragile. It should be treated like a glowing ember: given enough fuel (positive contact) and oxygen (room to breathe), it can grow into a roaring fire. This will be your new relationship.

Winning Your Ex Back

Make New Plans and Go New Places

An extremely easy thing to do at this point is to fall back into the same old relationship patterns. Whether you realize it or not, the two of you had a past routine that you followed together. Reliving this pattern could put you both in the same mental funk you were in when you broke up. In order to make a fresh start, you need to go new places and you need to do new things.

Steer clear of your old haunts for a while. Check out some new resturants, hit some new places the two of you have never been together. Sit down with your ex and plan out some cool stuff together - it further strengthens your bond and it's something completely innocent you can share with each other. And if things are going well, why not plan a trip all by yourself that you know he'll like? Building any relationship takes time, but building a new one requires fresh places and activities.

Be Ready To Talk When The Time Is Right

After a while, the elephant in the room will get a little too big to ignore. The subject of your breakup has been avoided until now, but there will be a point you won't be able to move forward until it's addressed. This is the last remnant of your old relationship that needs to be torn down. Once you can put this to bed, the both of you can concentrate on the new romance you've been laying the founding for.

This conversation is necessary, but don't let it spin out of control. Resolving your break up must be done extremely carefully, so that neither one of you places undo blame upon the other. You want to address the subject gingerly, make sure the both of you have your say, and then get out quickly before any new damage is done.

Tips For Talking To Your Ex About The Break Up

 Be Yourself - You don't have to act like someone entirely different in order to get a fresh start. Contrary to popular belief, people can't "change" to suit other people's molds or needs. Your ex fell in love with you for who you are, so remember that.

 Express Regret - No matter how it went down, you should express regret that your relationship ended. Explain to your ex that you've had time to think, and you see things from a much different perspective. Let him know you'd rather be together, and that on your end, you're willing to do what it takes to make the new relationship work.

 Let It Go - Chances are most of your fighting was over stupid or insignificant little things that don't mean much of anything in your relationship. When arguments happen, people tend to make them much bigger than they really are. Leave all that stupid baby crap in the past where it belongs, and concentrate only on the main issues.

 Don't Assign Blame - If you value a fresh start, you shouldn't dig up old wounds. Unless one of you cheated or did something equally bad, there's not much need for apologies. If he begins to apologize, stop him and tell him it's okay. You don't need that type of justification - you only think you do. People on both sides of a relationship get so wrapped up in who's right and who's wrong, they don't ever realize the damage this tit-for-tat bullshit does to their relationship. Recognize that, both for the past and the future.

 Address Your Major Points - Be careful here. If you've got a major bone of contention to bring up, do it as gently and non-threateningly as possible. Let your ex know why it bothers you, and then ask him what he thinks. Listen to his response without interruption. And no matter what you do, only bring up things that really matter to you. If you act like someone handed you a microphone and start airing all of your little grievances, things will go bad very quickly. Pick only the major points you truly care about and leave the rest in the dust.

 Invite Him To Talk To You - Your ex-boyfriend probably has a few things to say of his own, but remember that guys aren't always good at stuff like this. Gently ask him his opinions. If he doesn't want to talk about the circumstances surrounding your break up, let it go. But if he has a bone or two of his own to pick with you, you've really got to nod and listen. Let him get stuff off his own chest. If you can do this non-confrontationally and without arguing back, you might be surprised at what he has to say.

Your post-breakup talk should go smoothly and calmly. Neither one of you should get argumentitive or raise your voice. If you see this happening, try to back it down a bit. It's been a long while since you've had a conversation like this, so there may be some important things to say. Get them out there, but also remember to listen. Don't spend too much time on any one thing, and don't argue any point to death. For 99% of the topics you cover, the best remedy is to just leave it in the past.

Once this talk is over, let it be over for good. Don't revisit this at a later time. Going back to re-examine any of these old topics won't make you feel any better, and there's a good chance it'll make things worse. Look forward, not back.

Forgiving & Forgetting - The Final Steps To Getting Back With An Ex

More than half of all reconciliations are doomed to failure because people refuse to follow these two simple rules. When someone dumps you, you feel wronged on all kinds of levels. So in getting back together, you may find yourself experiencing feelings of animosity toward your ex simply because he didn't have to go through that same type of pain. This is where the guilt begins. As soon as everything seems to be going well, some women lay heavy amounts of guilt on their boyfriend without even realizing why they're even doing it. And this is a really bad move.

When I get back together with someone, I just want things to be right again. But you can't do this with some girls, because they won't let go of the past. They want to keep persecuting you over and over for the things that you did before the break up.

They're sneaky about it too. They don't bring this stuff up until after you're back together. They act all loving and cool and like everything's great... and then suddenly they're heaping tons of guilt on you for stuff you did three months ago. I can't stand that. It's one of the biggest reasons why not to get back together. Guys can let sleeping dogs lie, but girls never, ever forget.

Once again, don't be this girl. If you're here reading this guide then you want to know how to get back an ex-boyfriend. Yet none of that matters if you're going to drive him away once you do get him back. If you really DO want to make up with your ex, then you're going to have to forgive him for whatever it is that he did. And if he wants a long-term relationship with you, he's going to have to forgive you as well.

How Do I Rebuild A Relationship If There's Been Cheating Involved?

The most solid building block of any relationship is trust. Cheating destroys trust, causing the rest of your romance to come tumbling down around the both of you. Many people consider cheating as the end-all deal breaker in their relationship. These types of people don't want their ex back, because they feel deep in their hearts that they'll never trust that person again.

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If you're one of these people, there's not much to be done. But if your relationship is something you truly value and would like to work on despite one of you having cheated, there are ways to accept what happened and move forward. Identifying cheating isn't always easy, but once you have, you'll both need to accept things and move forward. If your boyfriend cheated on you, he owes you a long, heartfelt apology. You can't move on without that. But once that happens, you've got to begin the process of forgiving him and rebuilding your trust.

Of course, this won't happen overnight. But given time, it will happen. If your boyfriend keeps his vow never to cheat again, then you must keep your vow to leave the entire situation in the past. You can't bring it up whenever you feel like and beat him over the head with it. This will make you both feel angry, and will erode away at the trust you've been trying to rebuild. You might even already know couples like this. And if you think about them, you know in your heart that they'll never work out... because they never really forgave each other in the first place.

The Path To Real Happiness - Letting Go Of Anger And Resentment

If you don't think you can get over the things he's done, such as cheating on you or dating someone else while the two of you were broken up, then you really didn't want him back in the first place. Decide this before you even begin the reconciliation process. You cannot move forward creating a solid, loving relationship while still harboring anger and resentment toward the things your ex did in the past. Those feelings will tear down anything new that you try to build, and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to understand why your relationship suddenly sucks again.

But if you really want to make things work and can truly forgive, you should know that trust can eventually be reestablished. So many people spend their lives lamenting over yesterday, when they could be enjoying the experiences of today. Life's way too short to hold grudges. By moving forward and concentrating on your own happiness, the two of you can build a long-term future that includes each other.

And now, on to the final and more important part!  Step 8: Getting Him To Love You Forever

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