Step 5 - Reestablishing The Connection Between You and Your Ex-Boyfriend
Okay, it's time to start talking about exactly how to get your ex boyfriend back. If you've followed this guide closely, you should already be in a very dominant position. You've accepted the break, disconnected from your ex, kept your chin up, and gone out for some fun. So now what?
Reconnecting with your ex is an extremely tricky process, and you're going to need to handle it very carefully. Talking to him is easy - you know where he is and how to access him. He's probably even already called you. But knowing the right things to say, and when to say them, is the hardest part of getting back on the path to reconciliation. Do or say the wrong thing, and you very well might end up trapped in the dreaded 'friend zone'.
At this point, you'll want to make yourself a little more available if he wants to talk. But not too available. You don't want to play phone games or hard to get, but you don't want to be waiting around for his call either. Keep on doing what you're doing, going on with your daily routine, seeing your friends and keeping busy. But also keep an ear out for any indication that your ex-boyfriend is looking to contact you. Because when this happens, you'll need to be ready with all the right moves.
Take It Slow and Keep It Light
When your ex-boyfriend does call, you'll need to avoid making the #1 biggest mistake that most women will make: getting too excited. It's very easy to get a way overjoyed when that call comes. You have deep feelings for this man, feelings you've been keeping in check for days and weeks now. If you're not careful, you'll accidentally pour those feelings out all at once, right there on the phone.
Jumping the gun like this could scare the shit out of your ex. Even worse, you could look or sound pretty desperate. If you blow it, you'll be undoing all the hard work you've accomplished up to this point. Stay calm and collected - you don't even know why he's calling yet. Just as with every other step, it's always best to take it slow.
Once you get a call like this, you might think your work is done. Maybe you'll think you can handle it from here. You can picture the two of you expressing love for each other and falling back into each other's arms. Seems nice, right? But what you'll really be doing is setting yourself up for another big letdown. Nothing has really been accomplished here, unless your man truly wants you back... instead of just wanting to see you.
Your goal here is to reestablish a relationship with your ex-boyfriend. Regaining contact is only the first step in that goal, and you need to recognize this. Move too fast and fall too hard, and you could wind up right back in the same situation two weeks from now. What you really want could be clouded by what you want right now, meaning that the desire to have him back in your arms immediately could override good reasoning. Don't step off the path to rebuilding your relationship just because you're reaching for a quick hookup.
Emailing and Text-Messaging
In today's world, either of these things can easily take the place of the standard phone call. In fact, many men trying to reconnect with an ex-girlfriend will choose one of these mediums over actually calling you up. Why? Because it's easier for them. Sending you a "what's up?" email is a lot more casual than a phone call, and your ex doesn't have to go out on such a big limb.
When your ex-boyfriend tries to reconnect with you electronically, you should consider it somewhat of a copout. Make him call you. I'm not saying you should ignore his messages, but any response you give him through text or email should be short and non-committal. Tell him you're doing something, and he should call you later. Or ask if he's near a phone and tell him you'll call him instead.
Emailing, IMing, or texting back and forth can lead to miscommunication and even some stupid, childish back-and-forth games. Talking on the phone puts your ex in the disadvantageous position of not getting to carefully think about what he wants to say. Instead of formulating a calculated response, he has to talk more from the heart. It's always more honest. This is the stuff you want to hear... and you'll never get it through an email or a text message.
The Two Types of Ex-Lover Reunions - Temporary and Permanent
Your final objective should be to reconnect with your ex on a relationship-based level. You want your man back. But at the same time, it's very easy for you to fall victim to a half-assed reunion. Getting indications that your ex-boyfriend is thinking about you can be very exciting, but these signs need to be accompanied by a genuine desire for you as a girlfriend again. If that part's not there, he's not ready yet... and you shouldn't be either.
Other times you call because you're missing the sex. These calls are the most dangerous: you've got to be really careful you don't do or say anything the girl takes as a sign that you're back together. Some girls can handle it, but others will take the act of sleeping together as a firm indication that the relationship's back on - when it's clearly not.
When the call from your ex comes, try to set your emotions aside for a few minutes. Take his words at face value - nothing more, nothing less. Your boyfriend could just be lonely that night. He could be looking for some emotional reconciliation, or even some physical closeness. He might even want to sleep with you. While it's good that he's now thinking of you, the best way to make him want you back is to tread very lightly and not put too much emphasis on any one thing that gets said between you.
Things to Keep In Mind When Speaking With An Ex-Boyfriend
• Be happy to hear from him, but maintain control over your emotions. In the first minute of the conversation, he'll have to explain why he called, so let him. Whatever his reason, accept it casually. Don't challenge him on it.
• If your ex says he misses you, tell him something like: "Yeah, I definitely miss hanging out". You've just told him you miss being around him, but you haven't directly told him you miss him yet. Hold that in reserve for later.
• He'll probably make a lot of small talk, so let him run with it. The more he makes, the more awkward he'll feel. Make your own small talk back, but don't get overly involved with it. You don't want to talk too much here... it's better to let your ex do most of the speaking.
• If he asks what you've been up to, tell him. Don't make anything up or try to hide anything thinking he might be mad. Don't over-embellish anything either. If you were out with friends having fun, let him know.
• Do NOT talk about your relationship. If he brings it up, try to stay quiet about it. If he presses, tell him simply that you "wish things didn't end the way they did". This unlocks the door to the relationship for him. It's not an open invite, but it's a sign he can try to press further. Best of all, you did it without pointing the finger of blame on either one of you.
• No matter what happens, don't discuss the breakup. He may want to talk about some select things, point out others, maybe even apologize - save it for another time. Too much too fast is not good, and you want to keep things non-serious right now.
If all goes right, the conversation should be light-hearted and end on a good note. Tensions should ease on both sides of the phone, and it should feel good to speak to one another again. Your ex might try to end it while it's going well, and promise to call again soon (which he will). Or he might take it to the next level, asking if you'd like to meet him to 'talk about things'.
If you're ready, politely accept. Congratulations, you're made it to Step 6: The Reunion Date
But What if My Ex-Boyfriend Hasn't Called Me Yet?
Don't panic! It's possible that you've followed all of the five previous steps, but for some reason you haven't heard from your ex yet. Maybe he needs a bit more time, or maybe a bit more prodding. Either way, there's good news: there are a whole bunch of other tips and techniques you can use to influence your ex into making that phone call.
Remember the #1 golden rule here: The more knowledge you have, the better your chances. Learn these other methods, then choose the ones that best suit your own situation.
Many of these techniques demonstrate ways to get your ex to call you, but some of them actually show you how to initiate contact with your ex-boyfriend. For example, pick one of the first resturants you both went to together and had a great time. Then shoot him a quick email telling him you ate there a few nights ago and thought of him. And oh yeah, how's he doing? This is a simple and non-threatening method to initiate the most casual contact, but at the same time it subtly demands a friendly response from him. You can spin off a phone call from there.
This is just one example of ways you can reestablish contact with your ex boyfriend. For tons more great ideas like this, be sure to check out The Magic of Making Up.
When you're ready to finally meet up with him, it's time for Step 6: The Reunion Date