BOYFRIEND WANTS SPACE

Of all the things your boyfriend can say during the course of your relationship 'I need some space' is the most confusing. Your stomach sinks. You feel suddenly nauseated. A thousand things run through your mind, and none of them are good.

Boyfriend Wants Space

Did I do something wrong? Is he going to break up with me?

Did he find someone else?

Thoughts like these spin through your head, gaining speed and momentum until everything is out of control. You can't think straight in a situation like this. Especially since you don't know exactly what your boyfriend wants, or why he said what he did.

Your boyfriend wanting space is never a good thing. The brutal truth is that yes, he might be thinking of ending the relationship. He's in a place where he's not 100% satisfied with the way things are right now.

Now note: I didn't say he was unhappy. Your boyfriend could still be happy and ask for space, and this situation can be even more disasterous. Because if your relationship is going well, and there were no warning signs whatsoever? There's a good chance your boyfriend might be trying to use the 'space' thing as an excuse to chase after or even date some other girl.

The Good Thing About Him Wanting Space

Okay, so he wants space. It isn't all bad news, and here's why:

If your boyfriend wants to end the relationship all he has to do is break up with you. You'd hear things such as "this isn't working out" or "we're not compatible" or the ever-awesome "it's not you, it's me". These things are relationship-ending phrases, meaning your boyfriend is looking to be single by the end of the conversation.

But your guy said he needed space. Or 'room to breathe'. Or 'time to think'. Maybe he said 'we're moving too fast'. Any and all of those sayings is guy-code for this:

"Go away for a while, but please don't go too far... in case I decide I want you again."

This is bad and good. It's bad because your boyfriend is trying to get you to agree to a trial break up. He wants the freedom to play the field and possibly see other people, but he wants the security and comfort of knowing you're still going to be waiting around for him.

In other words, he's being a selfish ass.

The good news however, is that your boyfriend doesn't want to lose you completely. By playing the 'space' card, he's trying to put you in a holding pattern. He STILL wants to see you (although maybe not right away). He STILL wants you available to talk to, text-message, or even get together with. Most of all, your boyfriend wants you in his line of sight. He wants to be able to see you - and everything that you're doing - so he can remain confident that YOU'RE not using this trial separation as a vehicle to go out with other guys and possibly end up leaving him for someone else.

The Bad Thing About Giving Your Boyfriend Space

Okay, so you know he still has feelings for you. That's good. But there are a lot of bad aspects to agreeing to give your boyfriend space when he requests it, and you need to understand what these are.

First of all, giving him space is like giving him a license to sleep with other people. Even if you got back together after such an event, your boyfriend would always claim the infidelity meant nothing because you "weren't really together". You know that's bullshit, and of course he does too. But unfortunately, this is what he'll do.

The other thing about accepting his 'I need room to breathe' crap is that the balance of power shifts 100% in his favor. All of a sudden you have no control over anything, because you're giving him space. He gets to be in the driver's seat, because he decides when (and if) the 'I need space' thing is over.

During this temporary breakup, your guy will keep strict tabs on you. He wants you on you a leash. And because he's the one who claimed to have needed space, the worst part is your relationship now becomes one-sided. If he calls you, he's just being cool and communicative. But if you call him? Suddenly you're smothering him. He can act all pissy toward you, because you're not giving him "his space", which makes you feel like you are somehow the asshole.

What Should I Do if My Boyfriend Wants Space?

Okay, on to the good stuff. Here's what you do - and what you tell him - when your boyfriend pulls the 'leave me alone for a while' card on you:

First and foremost, you must remain strong. The second worst thing you can do is cry or get upset, and THE worst thing you can do is beg or plead for him not to do this. Breaking down emotionally like that, you might as well just hand him all of the control. From there, whatever happens in your relationship is all his decision, not yours.

Second, you CANNOT agree to his terms. He wants space? Tough shit. You don't "do" space. Either he dates you or he doesn't - those are his choices - because you respect the relationship too much - and you respect YOURSELF too much - to kick back and wait for somebody who might or might not come back.

When your boyfriend tells you he wants some time apart to think about things (or however he phrases it) you tell him this:

"Yeah, sorry, no. I don't do the whole 'give me space' thing. If you really feel this way, let's just break up. Obviously you have some issues, and I'm not hanging around in limbo while you work them out."

Do this, and your boyfriend will be DUMFOUNDED. He won't know how to react. Remember, he doesn't want a full breakup, which is exactly what you're suggesting. He'll start to backpedal, at which point you go:

"If you're interested in working on our problems, I'm cool with that. But you have to tell me what those problems are. You can't pull this stupid 'I need space' thing. You have to talk to me about it, like an actual adult."

You're firm, you're strong, you're even a bit condescending. Most important, you just called him out on his bullshit.

This is how you go from a bad situation to a better one. Either your ex will start retreating, taking back the entire idea, or he'll call your bluff on the breakup. If he does the latter, you have to stand firm. You have to be able to walk away from the conversation, leave him completely alone, and disconnect for a while. Don't answer your phone, don't go online to check emails or Facebook... let it sink in that his plan just backfired. Let him realize that if he really wants to continue with this "I think we need a break" nonsense, he stands a real chance of losing you for good.

What to Do if You've Already Agreed to Give him Space

If you're in the unfortunately position of already having agreed to some time apart, then you're probably floating around in relationship Limbo. This sucks, because once you're in this place it's hard to get out.

The good thing is that there's a step by step plan for getting back with your boyfriend, even when this happens. There are methods and techniques you can use to not only lure him back and regain his interest, but actually make him want you more than ever. The tips and tricks found below will restore his feelings, resetting your relationship back to the way it was in the beginning, renewing those unbreakable bonds you felt when the two of you first fell in love.

Break Up Reversed

Breakup Reversed by Robert Parsons is an instantly-downloadable ebook that's helped tens of thousands of couples get back together again.

This detailed guide shows you how to fix ANY broken relationship, no matter the circumstances behind the reasoning that drove you apart.

Within, you'll learn instant-reconnection techniques that put you back in touch with your ex, on levels where the two of you are EQUALS. Find out how to shift the balance of power, so that you're not chasing your ex anymore, and you don't feel like everything you're doing is 'bothering him'.

Each step shows you EXACTLY what to do (and what not to do), walking you through the entire process until boyfriend is back in your arms, ready for a lasting relationship.

Remember: the longer you go on making the wrong moves, the further you're pushing your boyfriend away. If you wait too long - or do too many of the wrong things - you could lose him for good, so the sooner you begin? The better your chances.

Ex Factor Guide Boyfriend