Step 1 - Accept Your Break Up At Face Value
They say that one of the first stages of grief is denial, and that couldn't be more true for the break up of a relationship. Being separated from someone you love can be extremely hard, and if the breakup was initiated by your boyfriend it only makes it ten times harder.
For many women, outright denial is the first response to being dumped. When the impact of being broken up with first wears off, your initial impulse is to convince yourself that everything is okay. You've had fights before, right? Surely this is just another big argument. It'll blow over, and in a day or so everything will be back to normal. At least, that's what you tell yourself.
Eventually though, you'll need to come to terms with the fact that your relationship - at least as you know it - has finally ended. Whether that realization comes sooner or later is entirely up to you. While you may think delaying the inevitable might help ease you into the pain, it only serves to make you feel even more lost during this crucial phase. Even worse, this is one of your most vulnerable time periods for you. While you're still in denial about the end of the relationship, you could be making big mistakes in how you deal with your ex-boyfriend. These could cause further damage, hindering any attempt you might want to make at a reconciliation later on down the line.
But How Will Accepting My Breakup Help Me Get Him Back?
Easy there, take it slow. While your ultimate goal might be getting back together, you can't really do anything until the break up resolves. If you're reading this, chances are this isn't a simple "let's have a break" type of situation. Most likely, you and your boyfriend are fully broken up.
As much as it might hurt, think of your relationship as a home... and your breakup as the fire that burned it down. You cannot build a new home until you tear down the broken foundation of the first one. Likewise, you'll never be able to start a new relationship with your ex-boyfriend until you tear down the charred remains of your first one. This is acceptance.
The moral of the story here: don't push for answers. Don't try to convince yourself that you need some 'other' explanation, or that your ex hasn't given you a good enough reason to break off the relationship. You can't save it because it already happened. There's nothing more to take away from the situation other than one cold hard fact: the two of you are no longer a couple. Period, end of story.
Silence is Golden - Time To Reflect
Once you've accepted your breakup, try to consider why you broke up in the first place. Was it for a stupid reason? A big fight? Usually that's the case. But such a blowout is also usually just an excuse... nothing more than a scratch on the surface of a much larger problem. After all, there must be a bigger reason you're no longer together, right?
Let's hope so, because that's what you'll be aiming to fix. Learning how to get back an ex boyfriend won't help one bit if you can't keep him once you get back together. This is a good time for reflection. Try to look beneath that stupid fight and see the underlying reasons why one or both of you are unhappy. Be honest with yourself. Now's not the time to work on this - not yet, anyway - but while the breakup is fresh you need to tuck these reasons in the back of your mind for later on.
Some Inspiration to Cheer You Up
At this point it's common to feel confused, hurt and depressed. When a relationship ends unwantingly, people tend to feel lost and hopeless. Being alone can also be some of the worst times for you, which is why it's sometimes best to concentrate on the positive. Although you're accepting your break up right now, that doesn't mean you can't look ahead to your goal of winning back your ex boyfriend.
These testimonials contain dozens of great, inspirational stories from couples who have gotten back together. Many of them felt the same type of hopelessness you're feeling right now, but they fought their way through it and gained back their partner's love and respect. Read them, along with the reconcilation tips also found there.
Try to concentrate on the positive aspects of what these couples have accomplished. Because eventually, you'll be applying it to your own broken relationship.
Take a Giant Step Back
This is the hard part, but you really need to give yourself a little distance. This doesn't mean you should withdraw completely, curl into a ball, and go crying off in the corner of your room. In fact, it helps more to do just the opposite. If you have a trip planned, see if you can move it up. If you've wanted to start a project, maybe now's a good time. Keeping yourself as busy as possible in the hours and days after the break-up is one of the best things you can do - for both you and for him - and it's also a critical indication of how you'll handle yourself later on.
Sure, you're going to think about him every chance you get. He's going to creep into your mind no matter what you do. Everywhere you go will remind you of him, and every song that plays on the radio will be about the two of you. This is routine, so roll with it. Accepting a breakup without protest is almost like going through drug or alcohol withdrawl - in fact, you'll even experience very much the same type of symptoms. But stick it out. If you're looking to win him back, it's the only road to take right now. Any other road only leads to disaster.
Okay, time for Step 2: Disappearing From His Radar.